Breaking
by SparkleInTheSun
Summary: The weather that day seemed to have a way of fitting the mood perfectly; the delicate snowflakes that fell to the ground around them would stick in the mind of those attending the funeral that day.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the story line.. that's mine.**

**~ Breaking Point ~ **

The weather that day seemed to have a way of fitting the mood perfectly; the delicate snowflakes that fell to the ground around them would stick in the mind of those attending the funeral that day. They stood for a moment, to take in the beautiful scene, a white blanket slowly covering the ground and they thought about how the whole day seemed _perfect. _

They carried on walking, close to each other, their footsteps making indentations in the snow beneath their feet as one woman hung behind them. Tears fell down her pale face, hitting the ground quickly as she hung her head low to avoid any eye contact with those around her. She bit down hard on her lower lip, trying her best to take a step forward when she stopped suddenly. She tried to tell herself that it was only a few more steps, and then she would be inside the church and it would be okay. But despite the warmth calling her, she couldn't bare to even think about moving.

Her body shook as she took one step, slowly moving one foot in front of the other, trying her best to take her time and hoping that maybe, if she took long enough then she wouldn't have to go into the church and she wouldn't have go face the nightmare that she knew was in front of her.

The tears started to fall heavier and heavier as she placed her foot in front of her once more, the church was only a step away now and then it would be true, she wouldn't be able to deny it anymore.

She looked around her, wrapping her arms around herself before collapsing onto her knees, hot, heavy tears ran down her ashen face, carving their way down as her chest ached with loud, heartbreaking sobs that she finally let out. Her hand clutched at her top as she tried to stop herself from hurting, as she tried her best to stop the pain but nothing could work – he was gone, and that was it.

She felt the sudden urge to curl up in the snow, wanting it to cover her up; suffocating her so she could join him, _till death do us part_, seemed like a huge joke now. The was no 'parting', it carried on hurting and she carried on wishing that death wasn't the end. She shook her head at the thought though, she knew she had people who loved her and people who cared about her – she wouldn't be able to leave them behind, leaving them with the same pain she felt.

She heaved a deep sigh as someone gently placed their hand on her shaking shoulder, her eyes meeting those of the man standing above her. He smiled weakly at her, putting his hands on her arms to help her up. She tried to mutter a small thank you, the words unable to fall from her mouth as she nodded instead.

She inhaled sharply, biting hard on her lower lip and closing her eyes for a second, ready to take that very last step into the rest of her life. The warm air hit her body immediately, causing her to stumble a little, longing to be back out in the cold where feeling seemed to numb. She shook it off, knowing he would have wanted her to be in this church, this would have meant a lot to him.

Her legs shook as she walked down the long isle, sitting away from everyone else as she wrapped her arms around her legs, resting her chin on her knees when she sat down. She wanted to close her eyes and think about something else, anything else, she wanted to remember the time they argued, she wanted relive the memory of him telling her he loved her, she wanted to recall the time when he got down on one knee and asked her to marry him and she wanted to treasure their wedding day for as long as she possibly could.

Her eyes trailed down to the front of the church, knowing she should be sitting over there but she couldn't stand to be that _close _to the coffin, she couldn't think about how close she would be to his cold, **dead **body. She shuddered at the thought and dug her nails into her skin. She liked it by here; close enough to know what was going on, close enough to make him happy that she was here but far enough to not be able to imagine him laying in that box.

She didn't dare move throughout the whole service, staring blankly ahead of her as she rocked herself back and forth slightly, listening to the words but never really hearing them until her name was called.

Her heart started to beat louder and louder until she was sure everyone else could hear it thumping against her chest, tears glazed her eyes as she shook her head. She gulped when a familiar brunette walked over to her, taking her hand in hers and walking her over to the coffin, whispering gentle words of encouragement in her ear. She knew she had to do this.

Tears flowed down her face as she walked down the isle, remembering all too well the last time she had been here – her wedding day. She looked around, it would never be the church in which she had the happiest day of her life, it was now the church where all her nightmares had come true.

Her lip trembled as she turned to face everyone, clearing her throat, she shut her eyes for a small moment, not wanting to look at all those faces staring back at her – the faces of people who loved him and people he loved back, the faces of his friends and family, the faces of people he had spoken to and laughed with, the faces of those connected with him, all of them a small piece of his life, a life that was cruelly snatched away.

She knew her voice too well, she knew that as soon as she spoke all the control she had at the moment would break and she would breakdown in front of everyone. But she knew she had to do this, if not for herself, then for_ him; _he deserved a final goodbye.

"I-I..." She trailed off, a small blush creeping onto her cheeks as she stuttered over her first words, tears now falling freely down her face, dripping onto the stand in front of her, "I don't really have anything planned to say to you all..." She gulped, her voice a gentle whisper as she tried her best to build up the courage to tell everyone exactly how she felt about the man she loved so much.

"I-I l-loved him so much.. too much some of you might say... he-he was everything to me, he was my world.. the only constant in my life and I r-really don't know how to cope without him." She turned to face that dreaded box, knowing that the love of her life was in there,

"I uh- I.. even from the beginning, I knew that he was the one.. I was too scared to admit it for so long.. but when I finally did.. I just _knew _that he would be the one I spend the rest of my life. It got to a point when I couldn't even go a day without thinking about him, I needed him next to me.. I-I relied on him to keep me going when I got back from work..." She paused, taking a moment to look around at the swarm of faces, all staring at her, some sobbed, some cried onto the shoulder of the person next to them, others stared at her with tears running down their pale faces.

"We only got married two years ago but to us.. it felt like a lifetime... we loved each other so much, we knew everything about the other and.. it was perfect.." She laughed a little, shaking her head before looking down at the floor,

"I can't even begin to tell you what I will miss about him the most but I'll miss everything he ever did for me.. I will miss the way he would hold me when I cried, I will miss the way I would wake up in the morning and find him staring at me, I miss the way he would get me anything I wanted, even if I begged him not to.. I will miss the way he would kiss me whenever he could... but most of all I will miss the way he loved me." She took a deep breath, tears falling down her cheeks as she spoke,

"I didn't think finding a love like that would be possible but he proved me wrong in every single way and I have no idea what I am going to do without him... I don't think there is a life without him if I'm honest... I just... I-I miss him so much that it hurts, I close my eyes every night and I see him there and I just want to stay with him, I would do anything to go back to that night and make sure that nothing happened.. I would do anything to bring him back to me.." She put her hand over her mouth as her closest friend quickly stood up to wrap her arms around her shaking body, soothing her quietly as they walked back to her seat.

The woman shook as she sobbed quietly, gripping onto her friend as though she was a lifeline, reminding her that life went on, life carried on and on, it doesn't matter who dies – even if it's the love of your entire life – people move on and they expect you to do the same. But how could she, when there was no need to anymore?

It wasn't long before she found herself standing outside once more, the snow falling down as she wrapped her arms around herself, pretending it was him for a second before she saw the coffin, a lone tear fell down her face as it was lowered into the newly dug hole in the ground, bumping against the sides a little before finally landing on the ground with a large thump.

She jumped at the sound, gulping a little as she dug her nails into her skin, wanting to be able to feel something other than the heartbreak she could feel right then. The snow carried on falling, coating the white coffin with an extra later of pure white, just another blanket to keep the person inside a little safer.

She could hear people crying once more as soon as the coffin had hit the ground, she stared down at the box for a little while half expecting the person to jump out and tell them it was all a horrible joke, and then she would hit him and tell him how much she hated him. It would take a month or so but she would forgive him. She would rather that happen at the moment, wanting it to be one sick joke instead of the real thing.

After a little while she watched as people started to leave, some leaning down to place a flower onto the coffin, while others chucked a small amount of dirt onto the perfect blanched surface.

But she stayed, despite the snow, the harsh wind and the bitter cold, she stayed there and stared down at the hole, wondering what he looked like in there, if there would be any sign of the handsome man he once was.

_That's my husband in there. Slowly being buried in the ground.. that's my husband._

She felt someone walk up behind her, putting a hand on her shaking shoulder, she looked behind her and nodded at the person, "Come on, let's go get you into the warm." She nodded, biting down on her lip as the man wrapped his arm around her waist and led her over to the cars.

"Thanks Reid." She whispered as he helped her into the car, nodding at his friend as he climbed in after her. She put her head on his shoulder as they drove away, looking back at the hole as tears streamed down her face, she wondered for a moment if the pain would ever stop, if the tears would ever stop falling or if her heart would ever heal. Then again, she thought.... **probably not.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Two ~ **

**Love; **it's one of the most powerful emotions one human being can experience; it can make you happy but kill you slowly at the same time. Love; it's hard to accept sometimes, how do even _know _if you really, truly love someone? How do you show them? _How do you go on without them?_

Love; it hurts at the best of times, but when that one person you love more than anything or anyone else in this entire world, dies.. nothing else seems right, nothing else fits.. nothing else has a purpose anymore. It feels like there's nothing else to live for, and no matter how many times you tell yourself there's other people to live for, no matter how much you convince yourself that it can't hurt _that _bad – you still can't find a reason to carry on living without him by your side.

Those were the thoughts running through Jennifer Jareau's mind that evening, holding her wedding album close to her chest, heartbroken sobs finding their way to her throat and echoing in the large, empty room. Hot tears scorched her pale skin, the pain in her chest being the only thing that reminded her she was still there, she was still breathing.

She sat up quickly, rubbing her eyes, the album dropping to the floor as she ran to the sitting room, her hands shaking as she dropped down to her knees, hitting the hard floor next to the phone. She smiled a little, pressing the messages as she rested her head against the wall, smiling through the tears when she heard his voice coming through the small speakers.

She had almost forgotten about the message, he was going to be late home from dropping Henry off at camp, the eight year old boy had been so excited by his first camp experience, only for it to be ruined by the guilt of the trip back killing his dad.

Will had called her to make sure his wife was going to be okay, his accent making her laugh a little as he explained why he was going to be late, the sound of horns in the background. Just two hours later, he was dead.

"_Hey baby, I just wanted to let you know that I am stuck in traffic. I'll be back a little later than I thought, but don't worry. Make sure you relax, I'll pick us up something to eat, I shouldn't be too long. I just wanted to make sure the two of you were okay, say hello to the baby for me. I love you both so much, make sure neither of you ever forget that. See you soon beautiful, miss you." _

She put her hand over her mouth as she screamed, biting down hard on the palm of her hand as heavy tears refused to stop falling down her face. She rocked herself back and forth, wrapping her arms around herself, closing her eyes and pretending that Will was right there next to her, "Will.." She whispered to the empty room, putting her hand on her stomach when she felt a small kick, shaking her head.

She reached up to the phone, pressing the message again, laying down on the cold, wooden floor; her hand still on her baby bump as she listened to the sound of his voice over and over again.

"Come back.." She sobbed when the message ended, beeping before it started again, "You promised me..." She murmured, her eyes tightly shut,

"You promised me you would never leave me.." She felt another kick, ignoring the unborn baby as she removed her hand from her stomach, opening her eyes and looking down at the small bump. It was just another harsh reminder of what Will had left behind, it was just another way to cause her more pain.

"How am I supposed to do this without you? How am I supposed to tell her that you loved her when you're not even here?" She bit down on her lip, wishing he could just answer her as his message played once more.

She sat up suddenly, leaning against the wall and closing her eyes, smiling at his voice, it was just like he was here.. talking to her as she tried to sleep.. he was right here next to her, _for now. _

"_I am sorry Agent Jareau... your husband was involved in a head on collision earlier this evening."_

She woke up, sweating and shaking as she remembered that evening, she wanted to scream loudly once more, the words refusing to leave her mind, bouncing back and forth, echoing over and over again; not leaving her alone.

"Please.." She whimpered, "Please stop.." She clutched her head, curling up into a tight ball as fresh tears fell down her face. Her complexion was considerably paler as she thought about that night, she could remember thinking about how unfair it was, he had never done anything bad, he had never done anything wrong.. she had loved him, she always would.

She couldn't believe it; it wasn't supposed to end like this. She wasn't supposed to be a widow by thirty eight, a single mother of two. Why did he have to insist on getting home quickly to her? Why did he have to stop off for takeaway? Why did he leave her? Why did he have to this to her? To their children? Why?

She stood up, her legs shaking as she turned off the message that was still repeating, immediately missing the sound of his voice as the house returned back to normal. She slowly walked through the house, realizing how cold and empty it felt without him, not understanding how she could be expected to carry on living like this without the love of her life.

She walked into the kitchen, not really realizing what she was about to do as she grabbed a large knife and stumbled back into the wall behind her. She thought about doing it, just for a second, sliding down the wall as she thought about how much it would hurt; would he hold her in his arms again? Would she be free from all the pain? Would it all be okay?

She wanted a reason _not _to do it, wishing her children were enough right there and then, but despite them.. she couldn't think of one. The child inside of her, and the little boy who looked so much like his dad only caused more hurt, looking at Henry, the way he smiled; it was too much for her to handle.

Her friends.. they were important to her, but were they even enough to make her want to live? She shook her head at the thought, they had been there for her throughout this whole nightmare, but it didn't mean much.. they had their own lives to get on with, they had people they loved.. people who was still there for them.

Her job.. well that hardly seemed important anymore; she couldn't pretend that everything was alright in front of everyone else, the media? She couldn't cope with them. Whenever she heard her own voice, it would only remind her of him, seeing police would bring tears to her eyes because it was another reminder of him, even breathing reminded her. She just wanted a sign, anything that would tell her that she _had _to live, but nothing came to her mind; _nothing._

"Why?!" She finally screamed into the house, dropping the knife and falling to her knees, her fingers curled through her long, blonde hair as she looked up at the ceiling, "Why him? Why did you have to _take _him away from me? Why did you murder him?!" She spoke to the God she had never been able to find the will to believe in thanks to her job, but now he seemed harsher and so much more cruel than he ever had before.

"I hate you!" She screeched, standing up quickly and chucking everything she could get her hands on across the room, screaming as she did so, tears dropping down her face as she finally collapsed. Her breathing was heavy as she whispered his name, begging him to come back to her, back to where he belonged.

She bit down on her lip, her hand on her stomach as she curled up in a tiny ball, willing her husband to come home and wake her up from this nightmare. She tried to convince herself that she would wake up soon, it was just a nightmare, because life wasn't this cruel.. was it?


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Three ~ **

She opened her eyes the next morning, standing up quickly to walk into the living room and lay on the couch. She smiled as she remembered all those times she would be sitting on this very couch, cuddling up to her husband after a long day at work. He would kiss her gently on her forehead and let her know just how much he loved her – she longed to hear those words again more than anything.

She could never forget the time when she took his hands in hers, squeezing them tightly and told him that she was pregnant, it was in this very room and he had picked her up and danced with her throughout the whole house.

She had always wondered what she had done to deserve such an amazing man, the way he loved her had made her feel like the happiest and luckiest woman on earth.. she only felt safe when she was in his arms, whenever he kissed her and told her that he loved her.. it was so natural, and yet.. so amazing.

She bit down on her lip before turning on the television, smiling a little when the home video she had been playing a few days ago came up on the screen. She laughed when she saw him running around the garden with Henry, tears falling heavily down her face as she held a cushion close to her chest.

"Will.." She whispered as his face came close to the screen, her heart skipping a few beats as he looked straight at the camera, winking and smiling at her before shouting _"I love you." _His voice sent tingles through her already shaking body, and she longed to have him next to her and touch her once more.. but he wasn't there anymore.. all she had left were home videos, photographs and memories – was that enough?

Her hand trailed down to her stomach as a twinge hit her, she thought about how it was possible to move on but she couldn't even imagine a life without him, how was she possibly expected to go on living this life without him in her life? How was she supposed to move on when she didn't know how?

She felt a small kick and she smiled, tracing a small circle on her stomach, thinking about the small child growing inside of her, "I am going to love you so much, I am going to love you enough for the two us us..." Her voice was raspy as she spoke to the unborn child, her eyes trailing up to the photograph of her and Will on their wedding day.

She bit down hard on her lip when she heard someone walk through the door, already knowing who it was when she heard the sound of their heels running through the house, hitting the hardwood floor with every frantic step.

"JJ?" The voice echoed through the large house, bouncing off the walls and hitting JJ's ears as she sat there, not even moving as she stared at the smile that had been on her face during the best day of her entire life. She wondered if she was ever going to be happy again, but quickly decided that it was impossible to feel like that more than once and with more than one man.

"JJ?" She couldn't move, finding herself lost in his eyes as she had done so many times.. when he was alive and here with her.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay.." Garcia sighed when she found her best friend, wrapping her arms tightly around the shaking woman and smoothing down her long, blonde hair as she soothed her softly.

"I don't know what to do.. tell me what to do.." JJ looked at her, tears falling down her pale face as Garcia shook her head and bit down on her own lip to stop herself from crying for the woman in front of her.

"You're going to move on but you're never going to forget him.. I promise you that you can do this." She whispered, rocking JJ back and forth as a lone tear fell down her face,

"I don't know how to move on."

"You will find a way and I think this baby and Henry will help you do that." Garcia gave her a small smile and looked down at her own stomach, her bump was a bit bigger than JJ's, smiling down at the small baby that would soon come.

"Your baby has a father..." JJ muttered bitterly, thinking about how happy Garcia and Morgan were going to be for the rest of their lives,

"I know that.. but look at me.." She turned JJ to face her, and shook her head, "You need to take all that love you have for Will and give it to this baby and to Henry because it will be enough, for all three of you. And no matter what, you're going have the team.. always."

"Promise?" Her voice was weak as she rested her head on Garcia's shoulder, closing her eyes,

"I promise.. but you need to start moving on from this, Will would want nothing more than for you to be happy, he would want to see you smile and laugh.. he wouldn't want this."

"I just don't want to say goodbye."

"You're never going to say goodbye, just hello.. to a brand new family."

"Yeah, you're right." JJ smiled for the first time in a long time, turning the home video back on.

"You're going to be okay, I'm here for you." Garcia murmured, wrapping an arm around JJ as she watched Will's smiling face look back at her.

_Because every hello.. ends with a goodbye._


End file.
